Non-cooking cooking

Lesson learned today: bare hands are magic.  As is guacamole.

Ingredients used:

   * Kale (I don't know, like, 4 handfuls?  It was quite a bit and I had a lot left over)
   * 1 avocado (just use half if you're making it for yourself)
   * Red onion (loads)
   * Garlic (double loads)
   * Cumin (4 pinches)
   * Salt (does anyone actually measure this?)
   * Pepper (")

My kitchen experiments as of late have lead me to something amazing: non-cooking cooking.  I supposed this could be described as just "preparing" or "making" but I'm going to stick with "cooking" because it allows me to fool myself into thinking that this blog is making progress.  Just give me the benefit of the doubt, as usual.

Last night I had in my possession a bag of raw kale, an avocado, a red onion, and some garlic.  I immediately ignored the kale (because it's kale) and screamed "GUACAMOLE TIME!"  I started to do a happy dance and realized that I didn't have any chips, and that walking to the store at 2am would probably result in getting shot, so I decided to compromise. 

I'd heard  the term "avocado salad" before but I was never quite sure what that meant.  "So you use chunks of avocado instead of lettuce?  Is the dressing made of avocado?  THIS IS ALL VERY UNCLEAR."  This is how wonderful experiments happen.  I dove in and dumped the kale into a giant mixing bowl.  Then I gutted the avocado and added copious amounts of red onion and garlic.  Then it got dirty.

I couldn't find any sort of instrument to properly mash the avocado and kale together, so after using three different spoons and five spatulas I went in with my hand and just started squeezing it all together.  Bare hands are magic, apparently, because the avocado became this smooth, buttery spread that softened and marinated the kale all at the same time, while the onion and the garlic became infused and made me cry several times.

After washing my hands for twenty minutes, I performed a taste test.  It tasted like bland, mediocre guacamole and kale.  Here's the desperate thought process that followed: "OH. Oh dear.  That's not great.  Um, okay.  So once I made some super awesome guacamole that was basically like this but what else is missing?  Crap I can't remember.  OKAY.  Guacamole is usually served at mexican restaurants and everything there always has cumin in it.  CUMIN let's try cumin!  Lord help me."

I added the cumin and some salt and some pepper and BAM.  It was done.  It was perfect.  I MADE TASTEY FOOD. My taste buds were satisfied and I had tricked myself into eating something healthy.  Job well done, Jason, job well done.

POSSIBLE HACK:  Get some kale.  Get some pre-made guacamole.  Combine.  DONE. 

Warning: this blog is probably going to turn into a non-cooking cooking blog.  Just prepare yourself for that.