Before, during, and after

I think my lack of cooking ambition is rooted in my lack of patience.  Sure, there are things that you can "prepare" quickly, but actually cooking a meal consists of three stages: planning, execution, and cleanup. 

Planning

This is the first (and most critical) stage of the cooking process and the one that I usually don't pass.  Here's how it goes:

What do I want to eat?  I'll have to find a recipe.  Now I can't decide between these recipes.  Do we have that ingredient at home?  Probably not. I'll have to go to the store.  Ugh, the store.  I'll have to leave work either early or late so that I don't hit the huge rush.  Maybe I should invite someone over to cook with?  No it's too late for that.  Man, now I'm not sure, this sounds like a lot of work.  Fine… GrubHub wins.

Execution

Usually if I get to this stage I'll followthrough to the end, but not without an identity crisis along the way.

All right, I have everything I need.  Oh wait, where's the garlic?  I totally had some garlic here the other day.  Oh crap, the roommie must have used some, or maybe me.   Ugh, I can't go back to the store I'm already wearing slippers and an apron.  WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITHOUT GARLIC.  Ugh, fine, I'll just put something else in there.  Maybe some salt.  Can you substitute salt for garlic?  Lord hep me.  [Thirty minutes later]  THIS IS TAKING FOREVER.  This is why microwavable burritos exist.  Am I even still hungry?

Cleanup

Even if stages one and two were completed without a single hiccup, this stage always slaps me right in the face.

Wow, I have impressed myself.  I made actual food!  That was great!  Go me!  Holy crap, where did all of these dishes come from?  Wait, are these all mine?  From making that one pot of soup?  SERIOUSLY?  And what is that smell?  Oh geez, there's onion everywhere.  HOW DID IT GET ON THE CEILING?  This is impossible.  I'm going to go to bed and maybe the dishwashing fairy will come and do these for me or at least tear a hole in the wall and install a dishwasher.  Thank you in advance, fairy.

And there you have it.  The three dreadful stages of cooking.  I supposed it's now my job to figure out how to make them all work together somehow.  But how?  I'll let you know when I figure that out.